As anyone who knows or follows me will know, being
bi is something I take great pride in and that’s because it took me a long time
to reach that point. I was in denial about being attracted to girls until I was
18 and when I was in my first relationship with a girl that same year, I told
myself I was gay.
One of the reasons for this was because I had a
lot of issues with the bisexuality label. In my head, bisexual people were
greedy and attention seeking and couldn’t pick a side and I didn’t want to be a
part of that. Basically – I had a whole lot of internalised biphobia.
When I broke up with my girlfriend during uni, I
realised that I maybe did want to date boys too. This was confusing enough for
me, and then I had to deal with the reactions of everyone around me who thought
I was gay. So that was a fun time. Not.
I’m so comfortable with my sexuality now that
sometimes I forget that other people’s idea of what being bi means is still
being formed through outdated stereotypes.
I was so excited when E!’s The Bi Life came out –
a dating show following bi people – only to see almost all of the daters facing
the same stereotypes I naively thought weren’t really an issue anymore.
One particular highlight of the show was when a
girl went on a date with a straight guy, came out to him and was instantly told
that it was fine because he was really open-minded and would be SO up for a
threesome… with two girls of course. Surprise, surprise.
It was a harsh reminder that there are still
many people who don’t take it seriously and misunderstand what it means.
Obviously all bisexual people are different and
I can only speak from my own experiences, but here are some of the most common
myths I’ve heard and why they’re not true:
A lot of people think bisexuality means an
attraction to men and women and for some people this is true but as a general
rule, most people define bisexuality as an attraction to two OR MORE genders. Wait…
there are more than two genders? Yes! The way we define gender (which isn’t the
same as biological sex) is socially constructed and many people exist outside
of the binary definitions.
The 50/50 weighting (if we talk about it in
terms of men and women, as in this assumption) might be true for some people but it’s definitely not
true for all bisexual people. Personally I’m attracted to femininity so I find
more women attractive than I do men, by which I mean that if there were 100
women in a room and 100 men and I had to pick the ones I was attracted to, I am
pretty sure I’d pick a higher percentage of women than that of men. And, as in
my previous point, more people exist than just men and women which the 50/50
assumption completely disregards. Bisexuality means different things to
different people and you could easily have 10 bi people in a room who all
define their sexuality and attractions in totally different ways.
This one should be obvious. Bi people are no
more likely to cheat on a partner than someone who is only attracted to one
gender. Just because someone is attracted to more than one gender doesn’t mean
that they can’t also be monogamous and faithful. This one is born from a place of insecurity and you should be able to trust your partner.
If you wouldn’t ask a straight stranger you had
just met if they would want to have a threesome with you, then please extend the
same courtesy to bi people. If not, then I guarantee your message will be
screenshotted and you will be ridiculed in the group chat. You have been
warned.
If it is, then it’s a bloody long one! Bisexuality
is just as valid as any other sexuality and it’s not a ‘transition stage’ for
people before they realise they’re actually gay or straight. We don’t end up ‘picking
a side’ and we’re not confused – at least not about our sexuality.
Most of these points seem like common sense to
me but, drawing from my own experiences of being openly bi for a number of
years now, sadly there are still people who seem to lose their manners and
their respect for others when faced with a real-life bi person out in the wild.
I actually once had a guy at uni who I had only
met about ten seconds earlier ask if he could have my number so he could text
me any questions he had about my sexuality later that he might forget to ask me
there and then. Was he ok? Does he know google exists? Not sure.
But, generally people are kind-hearted and
respectful and so if you’re at all curious then I hope this answered some of your
questions. My messages are always open for anyone who feels they might need
someone to talk to and I promise I won’t screenshot your questions (unless you’re
asking for a threesome).
If anyone has any suggestions for any other
posts they would like to see during LGBT+ History Month then let me know and until then, I’ll
see you next week!
I always like to learn about the LGBT. I don't think you necessarily have to pick a side, you like who you like, it doesn't matter who they are. I like that you're comfortable with your sexuality. It is unfortunate that there are those out there who are not accepting. Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteNancy ♥ exquisitely.me